Despair, Loss, And Hope

And the sand continuously trickles from the top of the hourglass to the ever empty bottom

Do you know what it feels like? When every second of every bad memory in your life freezes into stark rality as you watch on helpless... When every beat of your pounding heart sends torrents of blood into your brain only to discover it only lets in the thoughs of despair? When every thing you hold dear is stripped away leaving you naked and cold and alone in this desolate world? A feeling i would not want to go through and yet find it impossible to contain lest it chokes me on the inside leaving my body gasping for air and hollow. A feelings that prompts you to end it all, with a stroke of a blade in your hands, a click and a release from a cocked gun, a step off at the wrong direction or a ingestion of something that causes your body to writhe in agony for but a moment and then releases you into blessed oblivion. Have you ever felt despair so strong that with every second you breath you feel like tearing your own heart out just to feel pain and relieve you of the thoughts drowned in darkness? Of emotions rushing through you so powerfully that you can't even cry yourself to sleep because all the tears have been swallowed by the abyss of your suffering? That every second of the day you know there is a demon hovering beside you waiting for the chance to take control and drag you with it to the fiery depths until eternal sleep finds you and gives you solace? But it will only last but a few moments.

From the day you leave your mortal shell, you find that everybody has been lying to you, telling you that with death comes an eternal rest. You curse those that told you those blasphemies but is impotent to doanything about it for you were indeed dragged to the very bottom of the world, a place where the fires are continually stoked, never burning out, a place where you can hear the wailing and despair of others, yet unable to see or communicate with anybody besides the foul creatures that brought you there. You beg for a second chance, another attempt to change your life. But you have been judged for your transgressions and been cast into this unholy region. The unnatural flames burn you, yet you continue 'living' a semblence of life an unholy mockery of what used to be a great gift to us but we never treasured it. Every second of every dismal day, you are being tormented by the loathsome beasts, unalble to fight back, like a rat trapped in a cage and being seared by fiery hot pokers and each jab feels like agony you've never before experienced, each time worse than the last.

But i will not submit to my despair for i have a protector. The life that i lead might be as though a curse, yet i will treasure it and not end it with my own hands for i know of the dreadful consequences were i to do so. A hand guides me in the time of my hardships. The fog and smoke that clouds around my battered mind is pierced by a brilliant light that engulfs me in all its glorious radiance and in it, i find inexpressible joy. Through the endless suffering i walk through, many times i trip, stumble and fall flat on the ugly wreck that was once my face but now, a hand catches me every time i do and helps up again to continue plodding the long road that is life. Through all the trials and travails, a silent guardian is watching over me as it has drove away the horrible being that planned to capture my soul. I pledge myself to the powerful yet loving entity that has been my companion all my life but never realised it, and in my abasement, i found joy beyond compare and felt a similar joy emanating from my comforter and all the dwellers of the most high joined Him in celebration. I know now that there is nothing to fear, but my body betrays me. Yet, i am satisfied for i know, perfection is a thing that only He can obtain. And after my road has ended, i can be with Him together, forever, in an endless paradise that everyone can call home, as long as they take His hand and walk in His path. Because finally, i am at peace.

This is a message of understanding, of warning, and of a solution for all those that have lost their way on the path of life and have no more hope for the future. This goes out to the people that think life is meaningless and have submitted to despair. Let these words inspire you to change and help you find your way.

Signed,
Revelations

Once Again

Wahaha....

Started working for my parents on Monday and i've learned a few things... Note:A few things only... Haha... But besides that, the job's pretty relaxed and quite enjoyable... Can't tell my parents that though or they'll definately increase the workload... It seems it's their motto or something to make an example out of their own children... LOL... So far, i've learned the inner workings of the photostating machine, the intricate detains involvin the scanner, some minor details on filing and also how to use ACAD... (For those of you who doesn't know what ACAD is, it's an engineer's program designed to help in drawing floor plans and layouts of houses) That part is pretty interesting and i get to hang out with my parents more... That part is good and bad... Good because i'm always around them, bad because when i'm around them in the office, they tend to be very argumentative(with all the stress of work and all) so it's a real great thing for their son to be witnessing... But overall, it's quite okay here... Oh, and we'll be hiring another person to work here... A Malay lady who's 4 years older than me... It'll be good because other than my mother, there's like only my boring aunt to talk to(can't speak english very well) so i'll sort of be getting a companion... Sadly, she's no eye candy... I'll take what i can get though... ;)

Another thing,

I took my undang test today... And i have only one comment... The hardest part of the whole test is the waiting... I mean come on, they make u sit there and wait for over an hour to get you in the room for the test... Absolutely ridiculous... Another example of great Malaysian attitude... And also, the test room was bloody freezing!!! It's a conspiracy i tell you... It's all part of their nefarious plot to lower our core body temperature and slow down our metabolisme so that our thinking becomes distorted and our hands become too numb to click in the correct answers... Because our brain function is lowered, our minds tend to make mistakes without noticing and the extreme cold combined with lethargy will make you anxious to leave the room without checking your answers and thus, causes you to have a higher chance of failing...(My very own conspiracy theory...hehe) But despite all that, i won through and managed to finsh the test and pass...(Sounds like i'm just praising myself, no??) And so ends their evil plot with my victory over their traps and pitfalls....

Signed,
Revelations

All Questions Answered

I'm going to kill somebody if they ask me again...

Okay, here's the deal.... I've been asked recently about which college i'm going to and i'm really getting tired of the answer... So here goes... I've told a few of you that i've signed up at UM but, and i mean a really BIG 'BUT', i am not studying there now... It seems they have not replied my application so i assume that they rejected it... So there it is... And so if anybody wants to know, here it is.... Stop asking me... Sheesh... So yeah, i'm still bumming at home now with nothing to do and nowhere to go... What a lovely life i lead...

Oh, another thing,

Recently, i know a few people might have noticed that i've been really disconnected these past few days... Or weeks... Anyway, don't worry about me too much because i'm facing my own mid-life crisis at 17 coming 18.... =.=" It also has something to do with these wierd and unsettling dreams i've been having... Information aside, i guess, they are supposed to be happy dreams but instead of that, i've just been trying to puzzle out the dream.... Maybe i'm just going nuts.. =) So, if anthing happens i'll keep you posted...

Signed.
Revelations